Mike is an Image Award-nominated American actor and writer, best known for his roles as U.S. Army Specialist Samuel Beckett in the ABC drama series China Beach, as New York City mayoral aide Carter Heywood in the ABC sitcom Spin City, and as sports agent Stanley Babson in the HBO comedy series Arli$$. Most recently he has appeared as attorney Julius Cain in the CBS drama, The Good Wife.

Boatman has also written the short story collection, GOD LAUGHS WHEN YOU DIE, as well as the darkly funny horror novel THE REVENANT ROAD, and recently his short story, A Father’s Work, appeared in Weird Tales, issue number 347.

CaFE: You played “The Jester” in ONCE UPON A MATTRESS with Tracey Ullman, Carol Burnett, Zooey Deschanel, and Glee’s Matthew Morrison! So how’s your old soft shoe? What was that like?

MB: I enjoyed playing the Jester, although it was a somewhat curbed production in that the Jester’s Old Softshoe number was CUT. I was disappointed. Even though I’m not a song and dance man I was happy to take on the challenge. Oh well, their loss. I had fun.

CaFE: Spin City was one of my favorite comedies ever. There was a lot of intelligence to the writing, and it seemed like you all were friends on screen and off. Do you still keep up with the cast and crew?

MB: Spin City was one of the greatest point in my career so far. I loved nearly every moment of my time on that show. I felt like I was doing something fun and thought-provoking at the same time. That’s saying something for a network sitcom from the nineties. I’m still friends with several cast members. I see Richard Kind frequently. Still friends with Alan Ruck and have become very close to Charlie Sheen.

CaFE: You’re gaining quite an impressive CV as a fiction writer! Have you been interested in writing long, or is a recent pastime? Do you consider yourself a performer who writes? A writer who performs?

MB: I’ve been writing for about sixteen years. I started writing when I ruptured my Achilles tendon back in the early nineties. I couldn’t take any acting work as I had twelve weeks of downtime. My friend Don Cheadle stopped by for a visit and advised me to do something creative to take my mind off my pain and suffering. I’d always wanted to write a screenplay, so I did. It sucked. And I loved every minute of it. I write every day now. I consider myself a storyteller; an actor/writer/master duck impersonator.

CaFE: Do you have a favorite genre?

MB: I love horror. I also love fantasy and science-fiction. But I love biographies and comedy as well.

CaFE: What is this about a movie based on one of your stories?

MB: I had a movie optioned based on a screenlplay of mine about a modern day voodoo priestess living in New York. But it went nowhere.

CaFE: What’s your favorite movie, (and why?)

MB: My favorite movie is Night of the Living Dead. I love the stark, grainy footage and the creeping claustrophobia of that story.

CaFE: What has been your most cherished moment in your professional career?

MB: My favorite moment was probably the day I got my first big movie job Hamburger Hill. I had auditioned right after I got out of college, and getting the job came as a complete surprise. I still cherish that memory. We shot for four months in the Philipines. The first time I ever left the country and met some of my best friends. (Cheadle, Steven Weber, Dylan McDermott and a lot of great actors.)

CaFE: It’s a couple of years from now, and you’re “Thanking the Academy.” Who gets a shout out?

MB: Apart from my wife, kids, agents and managers, I’d have to thank my college theater professor, Gene Kozlowski. He opened up the world for me, simply by believing I could do it.

CaFE: Who do you count among your influences and why?

MB: David J. Schow, Joe R. Lansdale and Stephen King. Stephen R. Donaldson and J.R.R. Tolkien.

And now, the Lipton 10! These questions were formulated by James Lipton for his television show Inside the Actor’s Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?

MB: Shitbox.

2. What is your least favorite word?

MB: Conservative.

3. What turns you on?

MB: Creativity. Great dancers. Funny women.

4. What turns you off?

MB: Conservative politics.

5. What sound do you love?

MB: My kids laughing.

6. What sound do you hate?

MB: Rush Limbaugh talking about anything.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

MB: Ass-clencher.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

MB: Astronomer.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

MB: Defense Attorney.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

MB: “Wait wait…let me explain.”

The impresario responsible for this entertaining and well attended weekend is Loyd Cryer, who has put it on with the help of family and friends for the last six years.

CaFE: So, Loyd, what made you decide to start your own convention?

Loyd Cryer: Basically the lack of one and need for one in Texas.

CaFE: Had you heard of anyone else doing that sort of show? Did you follow any of the film magazines?

LC: Oh yes, of course. Fangoria and Rue Morgue for sure. I don’t think Horrorhound was around when we started. Or, I at least hadn’t heard of them.

CaFE: Did you just figure out how to do this on your own from scratch, or did you take any cues from other cons?

LC: I figured it out on my own. Of course, I had been to some local comic conventions. But, there were no horror conventions locally for me to go to. I had never attended a horror convention anywhere before my own.

CaFE: I’m sure you’ve been to other cons SINCE you started? What do you think TFW does better than any of the other Cons out there (not naming names)?

LC: I think they all offer something unique that fans will dig. But, if I had to pick something it’s that we tend to treat our team and the attendees as one big family.

CaFE: You obviously love horror movies… what is your favorite NON horror movie (and why)?

LC: I love A Clockwork Orange. While horrific, it’s not really a horror film. I love anything with a dystopian theme. Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green, even Gattaca.

CaFE: What is your favorite part of the TFW experience?

LC: Seeing so many people smile and have a good time. They are enjoying something they are passionate about and I love seeing our attendees happy.

CaFE: TFW has grown by leaps and bounds, and you always seem to get the most amazing guests… Anyone you just haven’t been able to get that you wanted to? (this could be personal faves or fan requests — or both!)

LC: Our top requested guest has always been Rob Zombie followed by his wife Sheri. I would also like to bring in Kurt Russell one day.

CaFE: Unlike a lot of venues, you really have a lot of interaction with the fans outside of the show itself, taking a lot of what they want into consideration when programming… This year, for example, there are a LOT of fan-requested guests that have never done shows in the States. Any other specific entertainment requests you are working on for future cons that the fans have requested?

LC: I’m always listening to the fans and working on what they request. You can bet that every time a guest is requested that we take it in to consideration and contact them.

CaFE: Last year, you expanded your focus a little bit, bringing in the Gothabilly rock band Ghoultown. Anymore stretches into other media at the show?

LC: We did a concert for our very first show in 2006. The three bands were really great (Freak 13, The Horrifics and Rigor Mortis). But, I realized that I’m not a concert promoter and, while some of our fans love music, it’s just not the focus of our event.

Initially, the idea for the very first TFW was to cover every nook and cranny of the horror genre. But, we haven’t grown to that size yet. We’re slowly adding more as we’re able, though.

CaFE: So pretty straightforward horror movie stuff this year? You had mentioned Burlesque shows and all kinds of interesting things in the past…

LC: We’re pretty much sticking to the same formula. The survey we did revealed that is what people really want.

CaFE: You have an army of volunteers that seem like family, and some of them obviously are… How do you recruit?

LC: Most are actually friends and family. My friend Scott Reese is in the haunt industry and gets the rest on board from friends he knows.

CaFE: What is the most memorable TFW happening in the last five years?

LC: Every year is amazing. I’m always stunned at the guests we’re able to bring in. John Carpenter did our 2010 event and I was shocked that he agreed. This man is a legend and basically hasn’t done a full three day appearance ever (that I know of). One of the nicest guests we’ve ever had, to boot.

CaFE: What is your favorite TFW related story?

LC: I don’t know how well these stories will translate. You kind of have to know Tobe Hooper and his mannerism and his somewhat stammering, southern drawl. But, these are two of a few funny Tobe stories. Definitely the stuff that makes me laugh the most.

Tobe Hooper was asked by Alice Cooper to come over to Alice’s table at the 2009 show. Alice loved his movies and had never met him. So we escorted Tobe to Alice’s table and introduced them.

Alice: Hi Tobe, it’s really nice to meet you. I really enjoyed Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergesit. But, I hae to say, that my favorite is Lifeforce.

Tobe: (looks at ground a moment and shakes his head. Then, his face lights up and he looks at Alice and says…) Oh, yeah! Lifeforce! Yeah, I made that!

Alice: Well, nice to meet you!

Alice goes back to signing and we escort Tobe away.

OR

We’re driving Tobe back to the hotel after a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He begins to tell us a story about a neck injury….

“My ex-wife kicked me in the head a long time ago and for years I had this terrible neck pain. Well, years later I was directing an episode of that Cryptkeeper show on HBO with Whoopi Goldberg starring. They set up an office for me and it was pretty rinky dink. The desk chair was falling apart. Whoopi came in to my office and we sat there talking and having fun. At one point, she told me the most hilarious joke and in my fit of laughter I leaned back and flipped over backwards out of the chair right on to my head. Whoopi said ‘Oh my God! Are you ok?’ and proceeded to help me up.

“Well, whatever happened it fixed the pain in my neck! It hasn’t hurt ever since.”

CaFE: Have you gotten the show to the point that TFW becomes your day job? Do you see it happening?

LC: No. Lol. It’s a very expensive venture. Most of what we make goes back in to the next show. But, I love doing it and that’s all that really matters to me.

And now, the Lipton 10! These questions were formulated by James Lipton for his television show Inside the Actor’s Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?

LC: I don’t have one

2. What is your least favorite word?

LC: Same here

3. What turns you on?

LC: Honesty

4. What turns you off?

LC: Dishonesty

5. What sound do you love?

LC: Blowing wind

6. What sound do you hate?

LC: Dentist drill

7. What is your favorite curse word?

LC: Motherfucker

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

LC: Directing

9. What profession would you not like to do?

LC: Anything involving actual labor

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

LC: Welcome home.

Fangoria describes his work, which employs his family (including his daughters) and friends as models and crew, as “nothing short of jaw-dropping.”

If you dig what you see here, Hoffine sells prints through his website, joshuahoffine.com, and he’s beginning a Kickstarter fundraiser to raise money for his next ambitious horror photograph, called APPLE. He’s also recently completed a project for Famous Monsters Magazine called PICKMAN’S MASTERPIECE.

CaFE: Joshua, how did growing up in Kansas influence your work?

JH: I’m not sure that growing up in Kansas has influenced my work in any kind of direct way. My work is not very regional in nature. I am primarily concerned with universal ideas that we can all relate to.

CaFE: Do your consider your photography to be horror?

JH: Definitely.

CaFE: Your work is refreshingly full of practical setups rather than pure photoshop trickery. Do you do this to give you more control over your compositions or in hopes of the “happy accident?”

JH: I enjoy the process of staging everything practically, and I believe the approach yields more believable results. And yes – I’m always looking for the ‘happy accident’ that will make things better!

CaFE: As much work as goes into your staging, have you ever considered doing live installations that an audience can interact with?

JH: This has been suggested to me before, and I can understand why – but the photographer in me is very resistant to the idea. Everything I do is in service to the camera. I am not interested in creating an environment, as much as I am interested in creating a perfect moment.

CaFE: Do you shoot traditional film, or digital, and why?

JH: Digital. Cost is one factor, and the LCD screen on the back of the camera allows me to see what I’m doing. Back in the film days I would spend a fortune on Polaroid getting my lighting right.

CaFE: Many of your works feature kids in peril… so how’s that children’s picture book coming? LOL!

JH: Slowly but surely! Well no, not really a children’s book The book was originally going to just be about childhood fears, but my work has wandered in recent years, so now it’s all under the general umbrella of ‘Horror Photography’. Although I do have a couple of more child-centered images for the end of the series.

CaFE: Of your art contemporaries, whose work do you enjoy or look to for inspiration?

JH: I have some friends online whose work I enjoy and root for, including Travis Louie, Kris Kuksi, Drew Daywalt, and Chad Michael Ward – whose work I used as set dressing for a recent project of mine called PICKMAN’S MASTERPIECE.

CaFE: What was the stupidest thing you ever witnessed (no names, please?)

JH: I think I’ve forgiven or forgotten every stupid thing I’ve ever witnessed. I expect to make mistakes and fail all the time. The secret is to push through the error until you find the right answer and succeed. I like the William Blake proverb: “If others had not been foolish, we should be so.”

CaFE: I’m surprised you haven’t made the jump into motion pictures. Any plans to?

JH: I still have a ways to go on my book project, but I plan to make a movie when I’m finished. The movie is already written, and is based on the same ideas and iconography as my photography series.

CaFE: If someone is looking into becoming professional artist, what advice would you offer them?

JH: Follow your bliss, and don’t let anyone frighten you away from it.

CaFE: What is the one thing that you have never been asked in an interview that you wish someone would ask, and what would you answer?

JH: Do you ever consider abandoning the Horror genre in order to focus on making photographs based on stories from the Bible? And I would answer “Yes. Yes I do.”

And now, the Lipton 10! These questions were formulated by James Lipton for his television show Inside the Actor’s Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?

JH: Transcendence.

2. What is your least favorite word?

JH: Don’t.

3. What turns you on?

JH: My hot wife!

4. What turns you off?

JH: Cubicles.

5. What sound do you love?

JH: Heavy rain.

6. What sound do you hate?

JH: Alarm clocks.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

JH: Damn!

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

JH: Cult leader.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

JH: Anything involving a hairnet or a name-tag.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

JH: You’re late!

My friend Shannon Lark is the person that the term hyphenate was created for. Not only is she a writer, director, producer and actress, but she is the Co-Director/Founder of the Viscera Film Festival, Founder/Advisor and former CEO of The ChainSaw Mafia, and held the 2009 Spooksmodel crown for Fangoria Entertainment.

Long a supporter of CathARTic, the impossibly gorgeous Shannon believes in equal opportunity creation, equal opportunity film making, and the idea that creating art is what saves the world from destroying itself. She is prominently featured in Stacey Ponder‘s feature film debut Ludlow, and will be seen in theatres near you this year in Mel House‘s truly trippy Psychic Experiment (a.k.a. Walking Distance), co-starring Reggie (Phantasm) Bannister, Adrienne (Friday the 13th) King, and distributed by Lionsgate! Not only that, but the 2011 Viscera Film Festival will be July 17 at the Silent Film Theatre in Los Angeles!

CaFE: What made you decide to become a filmmaker?

SL: When I was 19, I went to an audition on a whim in San Francisco for a student film. The story took place in a mental ward, and I was auditioning for the extremely medicated female character. I took a friend and waited in the lobby while being stared down by the other women. Totally nervous, I went in and auditioned, the paper shaking in my hand as I went through the motions. I left and the producer ran after me, exclaiming that they couldn’t find my contact info and that I was perfect. Several women waiting in the room got up and left right then and there. The film was never made but the point is that the experience let me know I was definitely on the right path. Becoming a filmmaker was a completely natural progression for me: I wanted to work on movies I cared about, not just be a stereotypical female character that’s usually available in low budget horror films. I wanted my acting roles to mean something, so I started making my own movies.

I could go on an on about how it really started when I was born (my parents thought I was dead when I came out blue and holding my breath) and throughout my childhood, but this experience was the ice breaker.

CaFE: Once upon a time you said that you would only work in Horror movies. Has this changed, and why (or why not)?

SL: It has, actually. I’m open now to doing dark comedies and weird, off the wall films. I’m even open to doing commercials, although they don’t excite me like working on twisted concepts.

The reason why this has changed is simply because of searching for an agent. For an agent to represent you, there must be compromise. I’m willing to go to commercial auditions, if they can get me auditions for the horror films I wouldn’t get access to unless I was represented. It’s something I’ve had to accept over the years, and I’ve come to terms with it. However, horror still has my heart.

CaFE: Acting, directing or writing… if you could do only one, which would it be?

SL: Oh god. I would have to say acting. But I believe that you CAN have it all, and you should. I once had a dream that I went to prison for life. It was horrible, and I was incredibly miserable (I have no idea why I went to prison, I was just there all of a sudden). One day, I was working in the library and I opened a closet door and found an old school VHS camera. My world was liberated. The prison allowed me to start making movies. Prisoners were putting on wigs and costumes and I was absolutely content and happy with life. That’s what it’s all about.

CaFE: Who would you like to work with?

SL: Alejandro Jodorowsky, Mary Harron, Peter Jackson, and David Lynch. Really, just about anyone who makes inspiring films.

CaFE: You’ve been to Wichita a few times… even lived in the area for a while. Your thoughts?

SL: Oh wow. I have some really crazy memories from that place. I remember the slaughter house that you can smell all the way across town in the summer if the wind direction is right. That smell of death will never leave me. I always wanted to go inside.

It got a lot better when I met you, Matt, and returned to visit. When I lived there before I was sleeping on an air mattress and never found anyone my age (17-18). I joined the military in Kansas, I worked at Sonic, and I lived in a trailer. Good times.

CaFE: You are a pioneer in the Women in Horror movement. What made you try to elevate the scream queen past the T&A levels of days past?

SL: I am? Really? AWESOME!

Well, there is nothing wrong with people liking typical T & A flicks, or those who want to be in them. However, the film industry is set up so that women can’t even get work unless they show their tits, and that’s just inappropriate. Women should have a choice. It bothers me that the general public thinks that horror is only T & A campy slasher flicks. There is so much more to horror than this, and the more we focus on women being respected in horror and creating characters that are not cardboard cut outs of throwbacks to really amazing films that came out in the 60′s, 70′s, and 80′s, then stories will improve and become more dynamic. Scream Queens are simply going to have to evolve, learn how to direct and write and editing if they want to be on the creative train. That’s what Ida Lupino did, and she became a legend and inspiration. If she could whip out the big guns in the 40′s, I think we can encourage modern Scream Queens to do it now.

CaFE: If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life with no consequences, what would it be?

SL: Sushi!

CaFE: What has been the highlight of your personal career so far?

SL: Hmmm…I don’t like to hold onto memories to the point where I feel like the past is the best it’s going to be, because I’m always evolving as an artist. So NOW is the highlight of my career. A great moment recently was winning the Best Performance in a Short Film Award at Texas Bloodbath 2 Film Festival. It really blew me away and meant so much more because I directed and wrote the film and the content was so extreme. While we were shooting I admit I wasn’t sure that people were going to “get it.” Winning that award was a true honor.

CaFE: What is the stupidest thing you’ve seen anyone attempt?

SL: I used to date a Bull Rider. Riding bulls has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen in my life. I love watching it live.

CaFE: I asked Slagle this… A couple of years down the road when you’re “thanking the Academy” who gets a shout out?

SL: Matt Orsman!! Seriously, such a true supporter and friend*! Also, my Mom, my Dad, my fiance-really everyone that has listened and supported me in this path. That includes the horrible people from my past who taught me to be stronger and to keep going.

CaFE: What’s the one thing you’ve never been asked, and you wish you had?

SL: I wish I was asked more about my spiritual beliefs. I feel that the entire lifestyle wraps up into the complete package of who you are. I am a spiritualist, and believe that all spiritual beliefs are correct and true, as long as it is from a place of love, because it’s from the individuals’ perspective. I believe in energy and that love and positivism is what the all knowing being is — you. If I had to belong to a denomination, it would be Unitarian.

And now, the Lipton 10! These questions were formulated by James Lipton for his television show Inside the Actor’s Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?

SL: AWESOME.

2. What is your least favorite word?

SL: Never.

3. What turns you on?

SL: Making movies and coffee.

4. What turns you off?

SL: Seeing people and creatures being treated with disrespect.

5. What sound do you love?

SL: Trains. I LOVE the sounds of trains.

6. What sound do you hate?

SL: incessant beeping. I can’t stand it!

7. What is your favorite curse word?

SL: FUCK YEAH.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

SL: I would like to run a “safe house” one day for women. That will be my retirement career.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

SL: I’m so tired of waitressing. I’ve worked in truck diners to nightclubs and everything in between. But really, just about every profession isn’t right for me. Filmmaking is utterly, without a doubt, what I was born to do.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

SL: Let’s party.

*CathARTic founder Matt Orsman is the webmaster of Shannon’s website, and promises he wasn’t fishing for compliments.

CaFE: You have over 50 acting credits on IMDB, in just over five years. To what do you owe your prolific career so far?

BS: I used to go on 30+ auditions per month.  While I don’t generally go to as many now, you still HAVE to put it more than 100% of your time to really, REALLY make things happen.  Despite all that effort, I’m still not there yet, in my opinion.

CaFE: I understand you had a gig on Sesame Street. What was that like?

BS: Pretty unremarkable.  It was shot in a studio in Brooklyn in front of a greenscreen.  They wouldn’t let us in the same holding area with the Muppets, and from what I’m told – that was a good thing…there are only certain things one can handle before they are pushed to the limit – and to my understanding, things occur in that holding area that most mortal men cannot and should not have to experience.

CaFE: You’ve recently started writing and directing your own films. Is this a natural progression, or were you not finding the right roles?

BS: Both, actually.  A lot of people who crossover into directing successfully (Ben Affleck for example, who with The Town made what I consider the best film of 2010) later on, once they’ve achieved acting success.  With me though, I’ve been generally unhappy with the progression of things.   My most seen film (in terms of a sizeable role) has been Polycarp aka Kinky Killers to you Showtime and Cinemax viewers – and that’s not exactly a film I look at as a defining career moment, although at the time I had hoped it would give me a much-needed push.  While it DID to a degree, it isn’t exactly a “good” film and I feel the performances of a lot of the actors were given a backseat in favor of editing the film to show more naked skin. It eventually got to the point where I knew that if I wanted to be seen in the way that I wanted to, that I would have to take on the reigns myself and make my own films that were story driven and not simply visceral.  That being said, there were some films I’ve done recently that I didn’t have a hand in production that were well-received, such as The Super.

CaFE: You’ve been described as the Boba Fett of Horror Movies… Is that Empire Strikes Back Fett, or Return of the Jedi Fett?

BS: Whoa, this is the first I’ve heard of that title.  I would say Empire Strikes Back Fett, because I’m not one to pull a bitch move and let a blind man mysteriously knock me into a pit where I can die a horrible death.

CaFE: What has been your most cherished moment in your professional career?

BS: How well-received the 15 Till Midnight premiere screening was — and the applause I got upon the mention of Phillip K. Dick being a huge influence on the film.

CaFE: What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever witnessed (without naming names)?

BS: A few years ago, on the set of a certain film, around 25 various crew members as well as PEOPLE WHO DID NOT NEED TO BE ON SET being in a room with a naked actress, in a scene that did not require them, that should have been a closed set.  I had to walk away for a few hours because it made me that upset.

CaFE: Mega-Shark or Crocasaurus (and why)?

BS: Crocosaurus, because she is a mother that will do anything for her 3094287234 eggs (a subplot which didn’t make it into the final film, probably because they had to keep it at a lean 90 minutes).

CaFE: It’s a couple of years from now, and you’re “Thanking the Academy.” Who gets a shout out?

BS: Aside from the obvious people within my personal and professional life, I would thank Rodimus Prime, Raphael the Ninja Turtle – as well as all of the KITTEHSSSSS across the world…including Tigers.

CaFE: You seem to be a modern renaissance man; Your IMDb notes that you are a composer, too. What do you play?

BS: Electric and Acoustic Guitar, bass, percussion, and synth/midi/programming/sampling.  Oh, and hardcore screaming.  I used to front a band called “Die Section” that had a degree of cult notoriety.  Now and again I still run into people who were fans of the band. Despite its rather underground success, it’s quite fulfilling to have made that sort of an impact that lasts with people.

CaFE: Who do you count among your influences and why?

BS: Marlon Brando – who changed my point-of-view of what acting was when I saw On the Waterfront and Apocalypse Now.  His improvisation as Kurtz was and still is completely brilliant and incredible haunting.  James Dean – for sticking to who he was (he would have just turned 80 by the way…can you imagine an 80 year old James Dean?)  Montgomery Clift – for displaying an amazing vulnerability both before and after his disfiguring car accident.

CaFE: What is the one question that no one has ever asked you that you always wanted to answer?

BS: I have wanted to say “yes” to Marvel’s Kevin Feige asking me “Would you like to portray Marc Spector/Moon Knight in a feature film?”

And now, the Lipton 10! These questions were formulated by James Lipton for his television show Inside the Actor’s Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?

BS: I don’t have just one…

2. What is your least favorite word?

BS: A tie between all words used to describe bathroom humor…

3. What turns you on?

BS: Undying passion.

4. What turns you off?

BS: Liars

5. What sound do you love?

BS: I can’t tell you that…

6. What sound do you hate?

BS: The sounds of agony.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

BS: mother fucker

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

BS: I already attempted it…

9. What profession would you not like to do?

BS: Prison Guard

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

BS: “That’s what I thought…”

CaFE: What do you think you’ll go down in history for?
BW: Making silly TV commercials, not only of Fordman, but others as well. That’s OK with me. Some think creative, I think simple. I was lucky to have clients that let me do what I did. It’s an easy sale when someone is smiling.

CaFE: Looking back, is there anything you wish you might have done differently?
BW: Been born in NY. Just kidding. I don’t think I would do anything differently. I’m happy with what I have done. Oh, one thing. If I had it to do over, I would make sure I only had much younger clients. All mine have retired, sold their business or died.

CaFE: You’ve been a Wichita fixture for years. What do you think was the best thing to happen to the town in your lifetime?
BW: I think it would be the success of Pizza Hut, as it created an atmosphere of entrepreneurship throughout the city. Couple that with Coleman,and  the aircraft industry and you have great motivation to do something.  Even today people I talk with on either coast are amazed that Pizza Hut started here, and then stunned when they learn of Coleman and planes. The business climate is good here, and a well kept secret. I just hope it doesn’t get screwed up.

CaFE: Without naming names, what is the stupidest thing you’ve ever witnessed?
BW: I have witnessed so many stupid things it would be very difficult to pin the badge on one. However my award would be the failure to combine the City and County Government.

CaFE: Give me one way you think local media could be improved today.
BW: Cut down on screaming and shouting owners of business doing their own commercials. Also keep small children from speaking on spots. The kid’s parents can understand them because they live with them but the general public can’t. That, and some innovative local programming. Having cut my TV teeth on Romper Room, Freddy Fudd, Deputy Dusty, the Old Cobbler and Santa, I saw what it did for the market. Were those the “good ole days?” Yes, they were.

CaFE: What’s your favorite joke, dirty or clean?
BW: The Bell Ringer Joke. It’s the only joke I know that has a sequel that is is as funny or funnier than the original. Too long to write, but I’ll tell it to you if you call. (Amazingly enough it is truly a clean joke) (CaFE note: I’ll transcribe this and update the interview when I do.)

CaFE: Walterscheid Productions is a multigenerational business. Where do you see it going from here?
BW: As the script calls for, “Music up and out” Super: ‘the end’ “Fade to Black.”    We are approaching this page. I’ve been doing this for 53 years and the plot is getting thin.

CaFE: Anything you or the company are working on right now that you can tell us about?
BW: We are working on a phone app utilizing segments of an infomercial we produced awhile back. Just another way to get it in front of folks.

CaFE: King Kung Fu has garnered quite a small but devoted cult following. To what do you attribute its success?
BW: If success is scored by profit, KKF does not qualify. Last I looked, the King Kung Fu Fan Club had over 80 members. To quote the second joining member, “This club looked more fun when it had only one member.” The movie gained not a new life, but just a few breaths when the fellow at Cinemassacre did a review. He was quite kind, and really spent some time to create it. It resulted in some DVD sales and the fan club. The pinnacle of success for KKF is the fact that it is now streamed on Netflix. A small pinnacle at best. So I made a movie that played in several theatres around the country. That’s OK with me. Oh, it was also available in Japan, Tiawan, and Poland. Why Poland bought it I’ll never know. That, and $1.75 gets me a cup of coffee. And I don’t drink coffee.

CaFE: What is the one question that no one has asked you that you always wanted to answer?
BW: What motivated you to do the things you did? My answer: 8 kids.

And now, the Lipton 10! These questions were formulated by James Lipton for his television show Inside the Actor’s Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?

BW: Plethora

2. What is your least favorite word?

BW: Dude

3. What turns you on?

BW: Mead

4. What turns you off?

BW: Screaming Shaking Singers and Rap.

5. What sound do you love?

BW: A hanging bell on my patio.

6. What sound do you hate?

BW: Sirens

7. What is your favorite curse word?

BW: Damn

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

BW: Brewing

9. What profession would you not like to do?

BW: Manual Labor of any kind.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

BW: “Hello Bob, Glad you made it!”

by Jamie D Jenkins

Day of the Dead opened to a limited release and lukewarm reviews in the Summer of 1985 but has since gained recognition as one of the better Romero films. Romero himself has stated that it was his favorite of the original trilogy. While the version we are all familiar with is not the epic tale he conceived, it’s budget was cut in half, it still leaves a mark. For fans having witnessed the likes of Dawn of the Dead just a few years before, Day seemed much darker in tone. But of course it was darker. These were darker times after all. The living dead had all but completely populated the planet reducing the remaining survivors to living underground, at least the ones we know. This film is also a direct reflection of the political upheavals taking place in the mid-eighties in the midst of nuclear threats and the fear of the end as we teetered on the edge of self destruction.

Children of the Cold War were introduced to many phrases over the years that would become staples of our vocabulary as well as our nightmares. Terms such as Nuclear Winter, duck and cover (for those old enough to remember those drills) , fallout shelter, and radiation sickness were woven into the fabric of our everyday lives.

I was only a child of eleven when I first saw Day of the Dead in the theater. It would seem that one so young could not possibly grasp the implications set forth by a film such as this. To a child, the zombies should have been the scariest part but they were not. By the time 1985 rolled around, I was already terrified that The Bomb would land in my backyard at any moment. Television movies like The Day After (1983), books like After the Bomb (though later, 1987) in which a teen attempts to seek medical help for his mother after an attack, and the news all contributed to the mounting fear that the Soviet Union would launch a nuclear attack. And of course we would launch one in return. The consensus was that if either of the leaders “made the call” or “pressed the button”, it would be the end of life as we knew it. We would either die a fiery death at the initial drop or be forced to seek shelter and pray that we were able to avoid the monstrosities of fallout and Nuclear Winter. But hope in that case did not abound. At least in my eyes, the world I knew could be gone in a flash. Television and film had already warned me of what I could expect if that day ever came.

It was not unusual for me to huddle under my bedclothes with only my eyes uncovered to stare into the night sky from the relative safety of my bedroom. I was watching for the bomb. I was waiting to see it break the atmosphere as it hurdled to Earth with complete destruction being its only goal. I would cry myself to sleep in terror of the fate that everyone around me said was coming. I would pray that if The Bomb did come, it would land directly on my head. My worst fear was that I would be a survivor left to deal with the horrors of the aftermath as Society attempted to piece itself back together or at the very least keep itself from falling apart. The adults around me never knew how I felt. I never let them in on the fact that their discussions were so traumatic to my increasingly imaginative mind. They would only dismiss my concerns and tell me not to worry as adults have the habit of doing.

The release of Day of the Dead personified my anxiety. The advancing hordes of the walking dead were representative of the looming dangers that surrounded us. The newspaper headline “The Dead Walk” may as well have read “The Bomb’s Dropped.” Once again I was reduced to listening in the dark for sounds of doom. I listened because I was afraid to watch. I did not want to witness the ghouls on the hunt. This time the sounds were moans, helicopter blades and gunfire in the distance. I would sleep with the radio on in case of a bulletin. The cold, institutional bunker was precisely how I pictured living after such an event, that is assuming I were among the few that survived. The scientists, military and smattering of civilians wrapped in conflict were what I imagined we would be. And to my mind, the worst of it all would not be the bomb itself but dealing with each other when the dust cleared. For even at such a tender age, I already had my doubts about humans as a species. I had seen too many examples of how we treat one another and how we usually err in favor of ourselves over those who might need our help. Now Day of the Dead offered a visual example of us tearing each other apart in vivid color.

Now that the Cold War is over and those fears seem so distant, it’s difficult to try and regain those feelings. It’s not so easy to take myself back to those terrifying moments spent staring out my window in search of my coming death. It almost seems ludicrous now that so many years of my childhood were spent crouching in the dark, afraid of something I could not control. Even with the activity of recent years I have never felt so alone and conquered by fear as I did all those years ago.

I said it was difficult to bring back those feelings, but not impossible. They still ring true whenever I view Day of the Dead. With every frame I am reminded of exactly why the zombie apocalypse is perhaps the most frightening scenario imaginable. In such a case, we are the monsters from every angle. The zombie “we” feeds off the living and the remaining “we” feeds off of our comrades. Just as during those old threats of nuclear war, whether you are taken down with the initial attack or survive, you will be forced into constant battle with those you once called neighbors.

Adulthood gives us the luxury of seeing threats for what they are. As we grow older we come to understand the meaning of words such as “sensationalism,” “irrational” and “unlikely.” If I had possessed an adult brain at the time, perhaps I could have worked out for myself that the dropping of such a destructive tool would likely not be taken as lightly as I was led to believe. Though the threat was real, as palpable as any other, surely they all knew that once one launched an attack, the domino effect would come into play. A ploy such as that would only be suicide. And now as I watch the world today I have a completely different view of these menaces. I decided long ago that I would never again live in fear of something that I cannot control.

What remains is the hope that we have learned something, anything from all those decades of apprehension. For if we have not then woe to us as a species. And in the meantime Romero is the author of my personal survival guide. From him I have learned a valuable lesson. The only thing that will save us in our darkest hour is the willingness to cooperate when the threads holding us together are bare. Compassion and charity, humanity and heart: these will be our saving graces.

To quote Shaun (of the Dead) who quoted Bertrand Russell, “the only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.”

by Jamie D Jenkins

There has been an ongoing debate for quite a while as to whether PG-13 horror films are sinking the biz by watering it down for the teenies. To be honest, I don’t give a hoot if a horror film is Rated R, NC17 or even G as long as the storyline is solid. I happen to think Monster House was full on creepy for a kid’s flick. But the problem with these films is not their rating, rather their content. The majority of them are simply wussified remakes of films we older fans enjoy.

I believe that studios know we won’t be bothered to see them in the theater so they have to play to the crowd they are likely to drag through the door. Those would be the young’uns because the adults can stay home and watch what they like thanks to the wonders of home delivery DVD. We are fully aware that the good films these days are the indies and straight-to-DVDs that come out with little or no fanfare.

Sure I have seen some quality horror at the cinema recently…give me a minute. Hang on I know I have one. Man I see everything as a critic so there must be something. Damn. I got nothing. Oh wait, there was Diary of the Dead in February. But that was only limited release and it really isn’t nearly as good as its predecessors. Okay and I really enjoyed Cloverfield. But other than that we pretty much have nothing of value on the big screen. All we get is rehash after rehash after rehash.

Even The Mist which is now one of my new favorites suffered at the hands of the studio executives. Frank Darabont wanted to film it in black and white. The studio whined ” no one will watch it.” You can go ahead and translate that to “the slack-jawed Americans who go to the movies do not have the attention span or the intelligence to watch a film that isn’t in color.” I am guessing of course, but I can imagine it to be something close to that. Incidentally if you haven’t seen the black and white version, treat yourself. It is amazing.

I digress. What I am saying is that good horror can be rated anything, but that is where the trouble begins. Some of the stuff we are getting today is not only toned down to fit into a neat little PG 13 ratings hole, but it just isn’t good. Give me a solidly spooky story that is family friendly any day but what we are getting is uninspired, boring drivel that is family friendly. No thanks. And please, Mr. Studio Executive, stop treating horror fans as if we are the lowest common denominator. We are capable of understanding storylines that don’t involve massacres at sorority houses. And some of us even know some three syllable words. If I’m gonna brave a sea of pre-pubescent cell phone texters you better make it worth my while. The pen is mightier, friends. Oh so mighty.

My advice is to see the PG 13 films when it isn’t date night for the cheerleading squad. If you still need convincing, below I have listed some reasons to avoid PG 13 horror films at the previously mentioned times.

• The lights from the cell phones make it difficult to make out with your spouse on one of your few and far between date nights.
• The gum you find stuck to your shoe at the end of the film will inevitably be some obnoxiously scented flavor like Midnight Blue Dingo Berry.
• When the calls start coming in, you won’t recognize any of the ring tones.
• The breeze from the “aisle runners” will repeatedly bring the scent of the surrounding popcorn buckets, inevitably forcing you to break your diet.
• You don’t care who looks like Hannah Montana. You’ve never even been there.
• As you get older you have to pee often enough as it is. Who needs Pele kicking the seat behind you through the whole thing?
• But my favorite reason? My ID says I don’t have to.

by Jamie D Jenkins

Whether your apocalyptic film of choice involves zombies, a virus, aliens or maybe we finally screwed up and blew ourselves to smithereens, they all have certain elements in common. I am not just referring to the dirty clothes and messy hair. The fear that they generate doesn’t just come from the initial threat. For me at least, it goes far deeper than that. The initial threat is simply that which is bubbling on the surface. But the true terror of the films come from the realization that we as humans will tear each other apart before our foes get the chance.

I have an irrational fear of zombie sieges, but it’s really not the zombies that scare me so much. It’s the looting, the backstabbing, the robbing, the murder, the rape, the complete breakdown of order. We humans are more frightening than anything else you can throw at me. We would kill ourselves in order to make sure other people didn’t outlive us. For every heroic story you can give me about 911, I can counter that with a horror story from Katrina. I would love to believe that in the end we take up for each other and risk our lives for strangers. I would love to think that I could count on my fellow man when needed, but there are no guarantees. There are good people, I even think I would be one of them. And that is frightening too. The good people are the ones who are taken advantage of. We are the ones who will get knocked over the head when we turn to get an injured stranger a sip of water. Yet I can’t stand to watch others suffer if I can do anything to help.

When I hear the words “martial law” I want to curl up into a fetal position and rock back and forth. I know that martial law is closely followed by “mob rule.” And that is some scary stuff. I grew up in south Atlanta and was in high school during the Rodney King riots on April 29, 1992. Of course the major events were centered in Los Angeles, but the Atlanta version is the one I am intimately familiar with. My dad worked in downtown Atlanta as a supervisor for the roads and streets divisions. My school bus was delayed until after 5:00 PM because they didn’t want to send us home before our parents got home and the bus drivers didn’t want to drive through the mess. I can still remember this little store right outside the Atlanta University system. The old man who owned that store was black. But once a mob gets formed there is no rational thought. I guess the definition of “mob” sort of indicates that. It is as follows from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary : a large or disorderly crowd;especially ne bent on riotous or destructive action. Anyway this onslaught of violence that erupted from what was believed to be an unfair judicial ruling, took on a mind of its own. That poor man was trapped inside his store while dozens of people crowded around and ripped it apart. It was glaring at me from the news station as I sat terrified that my dad would never make it home. I couldn’t understand what this old man had done to deserve such a vicious attack. And I can guarantee that none of those people could give you a reason if they were asked. At that point they were blinded by Ochlocracy.

Looking at the above example gives you an idea of how people react when put in a situation where order and logic no longer reign. But this as well as many others are merely isolated events in relatively small areas. The apocalyptic film represents a similar backlash on a much larger scale. When disaster strikes, it strikes all over the world. So we must take experiences like these and multiply them. The estimated population of the city of Atlanta in 1990 was 2,959,500. Today, the world’s population is estimated to be 6,800,000,000 and rising so fast that I cannot accurately depict it to the number. If I divide the world population now by the metro Atlanta population then, it is roughly 2267 times. Now this is not hard data, but estimates. And of course we must take into account that the entire city was not involved in the riots so the number would then be significantly higher. My point is that if we multiply the mob of then by 2267, that should be a conservative estimate of how things would escalate if disaster struck on a global level. It brings a new meaning to the term “and the crowd goes wild.”

Then of course we must factor in the loss or order and the fact that no amount of law enforcement could curtail that many people on a rampage driven by fear.

Although fictionalized, World War Z discusses many issues that I am talking about here. There are numerous examples of people breaking into places of refuge and ultimately destroying the safety of said place. In an attempt to save themselves, they risk their own lives as well as the lives of others during “The Great Panic.”

Probably the best film example in recent years comes from The Mist. This is a much smaller number of people but they turn on each other quickly when fear comes into the equation.

Another thing I have never been able to understand is the need that arises for objects that will be of no real value. Looters do not often break into sporting goods stores for survival items, rather they break store fronts in an effort to retrieve high priced items such as televisions and DVD players. Honestly when it all does go down, do they really think they will much time to watch movies or play video games? Much less the power to use these ill-gotten gains. Once again, rational thought is lost and actions defer to wayward instincts on a level that I cannot validate no matter how I try.

Dawn of the Dead (1978) gives us another example of this as the motorcycle marauders breach the haven of the mall simply for opportunistic gain. In the end, they seal their own doom as well as that of the ones they besieged.

Fortunately the carnage that I fear most has not yet occurred on a worldwide basis but who knows when it could come to that? And of course no one can accurately portray events that have not yet come to be, but knowing people like I do, like we all do, I do not think it is difficult to imagine what would happen if the world fell apart. It is also not inconceivable that the world as we know it would collapse in such a short period of time as we rely so much on convenience and technology. Without those things and without a strong form of government to uphold order in even the most basic form, I fear we would not last long as a people. Seeing it happen on screen and knowing it is all possible is staggering. And that is the true terror of apocalyptic films.

I have been on this haunted house kick for a while and it got me wondering what it is exactly that is so attractive about these films. The really good ones don’t use or even require gore. And gore isn’t exactly scary anyway. Think about it.

You can watch someone’s guts get ripped out repeatedly in a zombie film for two hours straight and that won’t keep you up at night. Now I have had my fair share of zombie nightmares. I have even spent a good chunk of time thrashing restlessly in bed, unable to sleep, with memories of shambling marauders traipsing through my mind. But it’s still not the massive amounts of blood or flying body parts that haunt me in the wee hours before dawn. In the case of a zombie film, what frightens me the most is the breakdown of society and how quickly it happens.

The same is true of every sub-genre of horror film. It’s not the viciousness of the attack that is so insomnia-inducing, rather the implication of whatever is going on behind the attack…the impetus.

But I was still wondering about the haunted house films. I think I may have nailed it…at least for myself. First there is the innate fear of death…that is a given. But even in cases where the entity inflicts no bodily harm, the fear is still there. Perhaps it is the fear of the unexplained. We are taught as children that dead creatures are the ones we don’t have to fear. Judd from Pet Sematary makes this statement to little Ellie during their first visit to the titular location, “[graveyards aren't] a scary place. [They're] a place of rest…and speakin’.” So it stands to reason that once something is dead, it is dead. The only things we really have to fear are the horrors that exist outside our minds; the ones that walk and talk or growl with big, nasty teeth.

Somehow that knowledge doesn’t do much good to quiet the demons when I hear a noise for which I cannot account or when I see a shadow pass through my peripheral. I think this is more a fear of not being alone when I feel I should be; the fact that something could be interrupting the calmness of my solitude.

Take a moment to imagine the things you do when alone. I’m not saying they have to be appalling things, anything will work. Now just take those things and place another being there…watching you without your knowledge or consent. That idea frankly gives me the creeps. Even now I find myself glancing back over my shoulder as I type just to be sure.

Now take that feeling and multiply it. Because if it was true, that reaction wouldn’t be so mild. It doesn’t even take a true belief in the “supernormal” (to quote Matheson) for that to send a few unwelcome shivers down the proverbial spine.

Even worse than that would be the realization that my entire belief system would then be shattered. I believe that I am safe within the confines of my home. I believe that none could breach that safety without my knowledge. I believe that uninvited guests are not hovering at my bedside. But once that is stripped away, what remains? How then could I possibly feel secure?

And that, I believe, is the power of the haunted house film. You are never alone. You are never secure. Something dark could be waiting around the corner for the proper time to pounce. And sometimes, they break stuff.